Why Christmas Brings Me So Much Joy In My Heart pt. 3

"What Child is This?"

What Child is this who, laid to rest
On Mary's lap is sleeping?
Whom Angels greet with anthems sweet,
While shepherds watch are keeping? [Luke 2:8]

This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and Angels sing;
Haste, haste, to bring Him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary.

Why lies He in such mean estate,
Where ox and ass are feeding?
Good Christians, fear, for sinners here
The silent Word is pleading.

Nails, spear shall pierce Him through, [evidence John 20:25]
The cross be borne for me, for you.
Hail, hail the Word made flesh, [John 1:4]
The Babe, the Son of Mary.

So bring Him incense, gold and myrrh, [Matthew 2:11]
Come peasant, king to own Him;
The King of kings salvation brings,
Let loving hearts enthrone Him.

                   Raise, raise a song on high,
                   The virgin sings her lullaby.
                   Joy, joy for Christ is born,
                   The Babe, the Son of Mary.

Why Christmas Brings Me So Much Joy In My Heart pt. 2

Luke 2 describes the events leading up to Jesus' birth. Joseph who was only engaged to be married (They did not "know" each other fully at this point) to Mary was on the way to pay their taxes in Bethlehem as Caesar Augustus had requested at that time. Mary was due to have Jesus at any time, and the time came to be during the long journey. All of the inns were filled up as everyone was traveling along to pay their taxes. Finally they were told that there was a stable for them that they could stay in and this is where the Messiah was born.

Bethlehem was a smaller town, not really mentioned or talked about in the Bible outside of the birth of the King, but here were learn of our Saviour's birth.

"O Little Town of Bethlehem"

O little town of Bethlehem,
    How still we see thee lie!
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep
    The silent stars go by.
Yet in thy dark streets shineth
    The everlasting Light;
The hopes and fears of all the years
    Are met in thee to-night.

O morning stars, together
    Proclaim the holy birth!
And praises sing to God the King,
    And peace to men on earth.
For Christ is born of Mary
    And gathered all above,
While mortals sleep the Angels keep
    Their watch of wondering love.

How silently, how silently,
    The wondrous gift is given;
So God imparts to human hearts
    The blessings of His Heaven.
No ear may hear His coming,
    But in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive Him still,
    The dear Christ enters in.

Where children pure and happy
    Pray to the blessed Child,
Where misery cries out to Thee,
    Son of the Mother mild;¹
Where Charity stands watching
    And Faith holds wide the door,
The dark night wakes, the glory breaks,
    And Christmas comes once more.

O holy Child of Bethlehem,
    Descend to us, we pray!
Cast out our sin and enter in,
    Be born in us to-day.
We hear the Christmas angels,
    The great glad tidings tell;
O come to us, abide with us,
    Our Lord Emmanuel!

Why Christmas Brings Me So Much Joy in My Heart pt.1

There are so many beautiful Christmas carols. Did you realize that the majority of all Christmas Carols surround the One and Only Saviour? Here is one of my favourite Christmas songs. Throughout the next 13 days I'll feature one Christmas song. Read the words carefully, everything is Scriptural and if I have the time I will put references with these. Today I'm running short on time so may add those references as comments or later edit the post and this will happen for future posts as well.

Mary Did You Know"
(originally by Mark Lowry (lyrics ) and Buddy Greene (melody ))

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know.. Ooo Ooo Ooo

The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.

Sitting Under Conviction

No, this sitting under conviction is nothing new. I love that about my God! Though it is almost always a painful process I'm thankful that he is still working on me. I am by no means perfect or better than anyone else. I am reminded of this often and even have had people point that out to me. A hard pill to swallow when someone points out that I act like I am better than others. I have never felt that I am that's for sure. Life has a way of pointing that out as I face trials of many kinds and almost constantly. I have been facing many battles lately, but most of them revolve around work. I do not like my job anymore, I do not have a peace about working there anymore, well I haven't really most of this year and yet I'm still there. However, I have also learned a lot about myself and my relationship with others and with God throughout this entire time working there this year. Most of these things are coming to light just in the last couple of weeks.

1. I don't do well with change. I consider myself an organized person and like schedules and knowing what to expect next. So my idea of work would be a schedule that I can come to rely on and know what to expect while working. So working steady days or afternoons, and having the same days off all the time would be ideal. Not to throw me a curve ball and put me to work on a day that I would not normally work and making that day and time extremely rushed. I don't like to be rushed it effects my mood and temperament way too much.

2. I need to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself about work when it comes to talking with my co-workers. Even though this is the main place where I have someone to talk to about it. Mind you I don't think that this is what would be ideal for ministry/missions. This is also where I see that I'm not "meant" for the secular work world.

3. Yesterday while at church I heard the message clearly throughout the Sunday school lesson and the two sermons. One quote that jumped out at me and grasped my heart tightly was. "Let's turn Cambridge upside down with the Gospel..." Am I really one of those people that is living in such a way to bring people to their knees and seeing a need for a Saviour? A need for the One and Only true God? Can I live this Christmas Season and beyond with a passion for my Lord and Saviour who came to this earth as a babe born in a manger and placed in a feeding trough, and wrapped up in some ragged cloth?

Wake up Christina (Follower of Christ) and get following Him!

Please Don't Criticize Me. I'm a work in progress.

We live in a world when everyone is expected to accomplish certain things by a certain age. Things like figure out what you want to do with your life before you enter High School, get your G1 when your 16, drink your first beer when you are 19. Go to college right away, marry your college boyfriend etc.

Well according to these cultural things I'm way behind! I thought I had the career part figured out early on. I would be a doctor that delivered babies, no a Interior Decorator...no interior designer. I planned to take a year off and that turned into 7 years, but God got a hold of my heart and showed me what He wanted from me that my mom knew WAY before me. A two year prayer process that lead me to Heritage and into the Intercultural program where I plan to serve in Full Term missions in the future. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I had my G1 at 16, but then when I went for the G2 test I was very nervous with a literally shaking leg. I failed as I ran a stop sign, meaning I came to a rolling stop and turned. When I was asked why I did that I had no answer and failed on the spot. I decided I just wasn't ready as my G1 expired in 10 days! I have wanted to get it again, but realistically it just doesn't make sense since I am in another city other than my family. I'm older and have no one to just take me out for a drive really. I hate to put anyone out, but especially at their expense of time, money and their car! So until there is someone tied to me that has had their license a while the whole license thing will be put on hold.

Drink my first beer...well that's not my thing at all! lol...

I ended up with a boyfriend in college, but that was short lived so no marriage came of it.

Yes, I may be 32 at a dead end job that I do not enjoy in the least, but God has a plan (just might take me a while to get there). I may not have a drivers license, but I get around. I may not drink, but I have lots of fun with my family and friends and I still remember everything! I went to college and did what I believe God called me to do and will continue to follow His Will for as long as He leads (which will be forever!). Marriage or even a relationship for that matter will happen when it happens, yes it would be nice to have. Holding a hand or being the recipient of a hug is always a wonderful thing, not to mention the feeling of love being received by someone who was not born into your family. However, I have to trust that God will supply that want, as He is still working on me and refining me to be a vessel for Him to use for His Honour and Glory.

*Note* This is a reminder to myself, just as much as it may be a reminder to you my dear readers.

An Error in my Favour

So I went grocery shopping this past Friday before heading off to work. I had coupons that expired soon, so I made sure to buy those items so I could try something new. Well one of these items was Mini Wheats - Little Bites. Here I just thought that they were smaller versions of the big ones. So with that in mind I didn't read the box and grabbed the brown one thinking it was the brown sugar flavour (which I actually really like). Last night when I was digging out my soup for dinner I noticed the word cocoa on the box. So I looked a little closer and saw that it was chocolate mini wheats! I never knew that there was chocolate, but if you know me you know my love for chocolate! So this morning I'm enjoying a bowl of chocolate lol.

Something's Amiss Here...

I am either coming down with something, which I don't think I am or I have stomach issues. I have had many problems with my tummy over the past several months start back as early as March. Now I attributed this to the manager that I had at the time, which I do not dismiss these issues being tied into a stress factor.

I truly believe that this might be what the issue is. I am wanting to see a doctor about it, but every time I have the intentions to call a doctor my schedule at work gets changed up again...which is honestly every week. My day timer is filled with scribbles and not from me wanting to scratch something off the list, but because I not longer have a day off, but have another day off instead. Or my shift changed entirely. This is really irritating to say the least. I can't seem to plan anything.

I sure hope it is all stress related as I have faced much of it over the last several months, and I think of that as an easy fix...as long as I can figure out how to cut the stress out lol. Any suggestions...I need to work on memorizing Scripture I know that will help.

A Cooking Frenzy

I enjoy cooking although it isn't one of my strong points and after a long day of work I find that I'm looking for the easiest and quickest way to eat. Then for those afternoon shifts I get moving on making my lunch too late to make anything really good or nutritious. Though my co-workers might beg to differ as most of them get all of their meals to go. I'd rather save that money and use it another way though I still find that I dine out far too much especially with snacks.

I want to be cooking more, but I find it hard to want to cook when I am gone anywhere from 10 hours to all day. Sunday is always a day off from my job, but I am very "busy" with things going on at the church that I'm not home much of the day. Now that I have had the day off today I'm wanting to cook, but it's getting late...my timing for these things is way off. haha I don't know how I do it...

Do you have any quick amazing recipes that you would be willing to share with me? I'd love to try it out, hey maybe we can even have a meal together :).

Technology makes me sick!

There have been many advances in technology especially in the last ten years. It is like it is taking leaps and bounds. It sickens me to think that there are people who are almost literally glued to their cell phones, iPads and other items, you can't go for a walk, a short bus ride or even out for coffee without seeing someone pull out their phone to see if they missed any text messages. Now I know I'm not one to talk, but I can at least leave the house without my phone and be fine with that unless of course I lock my keys in the house...that's another story already written here. Anyway I also know that there have been many rants about this particular subject.

Now onto social medias like Facebook...There have been many drama situations that have arisen within Facebook walls over the years that I have been on Facebook. Some of them have been funny misunderstanding, but others have been down right hurtful and frustrating. This whole area has been a struggle for me and I'm sure as I talk about this a bit more you'll understand entirely. Connecting through Facebook or Text messages can be a struggle, though a perk for those you cannot see right away and to quickly get a response is nice. However, lately even including a conversation today I have totally misunderstood the context in which the person was talking to me. I couldn't hear the tone in their voice, nor could I see the expression on their face. It frustrates me because I get upset or defensive and I think that I have the right to, until that person says "Uh Christina, that's not how I meant it." However, that is how it is being perceived when I read what was written. Another thing is sometimes it is explained in how they meant it, but then you wonder if they are just covering because they made you upset. Now when it comes to my closest friends and family I hope that is not the case, but I'm sure that it is every once in a while. These are the times that I want to leave Facebook again and just cut myself off, but these services are so great at the same time it makes it a challenge.

What are some of your thoughts on this?

Awareness of my Sinfulness

I don't like having my faults pointed out most of the time, just like many others don't. However, when it involves my character and behaviour that should be directing those around me to Christ, I prefer it. I don't like it when others see this and it frustrates me to no end of how I can be.

I am often easily swayed in my moods and there are times when I am trying to inwardly tackle them on my own along with God's prompting, then there are times when people around me point them out when I'm oblivious to them. The latter one happened to me this past week. "Christina, I have heard that you are complaining a lot." I had to think about how I was complaining and to whom I was stating these complaints to. Not that it mattered entirely other than the fact that I was indeed complaining about something. After talking a fair bit with this individual about some of the things I was complaining about I realized how awful I started to feel. I didn't intend to cause harm or change the way a person felt about being around me. Granted I have faced a lot of things over the last while that might have my heart tuned into those things instead of in things above.

God hates grumbling, murmurers and complaining, it shows that we are discontent. I wholeheartedly agree with this too, and yet there I was complaining and I have sooooo much to be thankful for. God has done amazing things in my life this year ago, let alone all the years prior.

I am baffled and amazed at how aware I was of all my sinfulness this past week after having this area pointed out to me. God sure has a way of getting my attention. I cannot believe how awful and dirty a person can feel once they see this in themselves. I sure felt this way and have sought forgiveness from my creator God.


Have you ever felt like this?

One Last "I Love you!"

When you know someone so well you grow to love them deeply. This is a given that is if they love you back and know just as much about you. I feel very loved and rightly so. My mom though young when she had me, loved me unconditionally and raised me the best that she knew how. I can say the same about my dad and along with each and every one of my grandparents and aunts and uncles. Being in a family like this it is easy to see and find the love that a child needs.

Then as you grow older you find friends. As your friendship grows, so does that love for one another. I feel so incredibly blessed to have soooo many people in my life that have loved me for who I am and at times I wonder why. I haven't done anything to deserve that love that they have so readily given me. Well, the reason why I write this blog is because of one of these people who loved me without good reason. Margaret Wahl has known of a cute little long brown haired girl, with big blue/green eyes since 1987. When said little girl would often hop out of the taxi that her dad drove her in after having breakfast together. Over the next twenty-five years Mrs. Wahl poured much love and prayers over this little girl who slowly but surely grew into a mature young woman.

Mrs. Wahl, after serving with her at Camp of the Woods during the summers of 1998-2000 and a couple more after that was affectionately called by her first name instead. Marg became like a grandmother to this young woman. Going out for coffees, showing up at her college graduation and always taking the time to chat and pray for her.

Marg was so steadfast in her faith, such an encourager and her love for the Lord just radiated from her. If you haven't figured it out I'm that little girl. Marg made me feel like I was her own and made the effort that families would make for their loved ones.

Marg was diagnosed with lung cancer not all that long ago, slowly but surely the cancer spread to her brain. In the early stages she was still encouraging me and sending me Scripture verses to meditate on. What a woman of God! She never seized to amaze me.

She tried to give me words to tell my dad after she was diagnosed with the lung cancer. Stating that he needs to stop if not for himself, for me and Timera and his wife. Not sure how my words sunk into my dad when I passed the words along.

Last week I was finally able to get down to see Marg again. A friend from camp came with me (well actually she took me), we brought her flowers and a coffee. I was expecting her to be better than she was. I was hit pretty hard with reality pretty quick. First with the sign on the door stating "no visitors please check with nursing staff". Then not recognizing her at first and figuring out pretty quick she won't be drinking that coffee. Though she was so near death Marg, my sweet Marg, had such a peace about her. Her eyes told the whole story - I'm going to see Jesus soon.

I asked her simple questions to which she nodded or verbally answered. She was with us for sure. She asked me for some juice and I readily gave her some. We stayed for a mere 10 minutes as she looked as though she would fall asleep on us at any time. I told her "I love you" one last time and actually was surprised to hear it back as I knew she was weak and it took a lot to speak. With a gentle hand squeeze my friend and I left the building knowing the next time we would see her rejoicing would be in Heaven.

As hard as that day seems I wouldn't trade it for the world! Marg will be missed greatly by many.

Thank you for your mentorship and unfailing love!

Note this was not written through dry eyes, mourning will come. Please pray for these families as they will miss her dearly.

100x Thankful

This here is my 100th post. I would like to take a moment to thank you my dear readers for stopping by every once in a while to read whatever blurb I have come up with over the last couple of years. You have read some light hearted things and then some heavier items as well. I can tell you that I have grown and been challenged in many different ways and if you have been following you probably have noticed that. Every year has had some great challenges and I honestly hope that I have just overcome another huge one. Taking a leap of faith always proves to be a challenge, but everything that I experienced come from God and the credit for all that I've come through is due to God.

Within the last two week I have much to be thankful for and if you don't already know you're going to find out. If you do know, well then I guess you'll have to tough it out and hear it again haha.

1. I was asked to return to Suzy Shier since the reason why I left was no longer an issue. I was hired back into my old position.
2. I had two wonderful CEF summer missionaries stay at my house for an entire week.
3. I was told that if my new/old job didn't work out that the current job would take me back.
4. After talking with my landlord yesterday and me stressing a bit about the possibility of me moving, it has been decided that my lease will be renewed. That means I'll be living in my home for at least another year.
5. After noticing that I was only paid by my old part time job I called Suzy Shier to inquire about my pay with my manager, she offered to bring it to my house on her break! I opted for waiting, but still awesome.
6. After looking at my pay stub from Suzy Shier I apparently am paying into my benefits already. So I shall start my appointments soon to get orthopedic care.
7. Having a bike that I'm gaining strength on daily and having that option to get to work every day. It takes less than 20 minutes and saves me lots of money.
8. I have amazing family and friends. I miss so many of them right now. I haven't been to my "hometown" since the May long weekend and now it is August long weekend. I just wish I could hug them whenever I wanted to.
9.While I had the two CEF summer missionaries staying with me I really enjoyed the fellowship that was had by many invites to homes and such.
10. To have a bed to sleep in tonight with pillows and a blanket.

Oh For The Love Of Coffee And Fresh Bread

With it being sooo hot this summer, I have opted out of drinking sooo much coffee. My one to two cups a day at home has passed. I did not experience a headache as I thought that I did if I missed out on a coffee. So all those times I linked those two things together it probably should have been linked to the pressure in the air changing. I still drink coffee, but instead of 1-3 coffees a day it is about that amount in a week. I just really enjoy the flavour of this tasty black liquid at it's freshest might I add. No old coffee here please :). So I'm guessing that during the winter months I love to have my coffee and then I can easily do without aside from the occasional craving. What goes great with coffee, well lots of things, but I'm going with something that can be had whenever...bread.

I really like bread as it is so versatile and can be used for any meal you chose. I just had a sandwich on really fresh bread. So fresh, that when you bite it the bread is cut looking from your teeth marks. I love it when it does this, it is sooo soft that there is no effort to tear the bread and it just seems to make the goodies inside taste that much better.

So there you have it two of my favourite things :)...there are many more of course.

I did it!

I made it up a hill today! It was a tough go, I stood up for a minute too to keep going, though I'm still wobbly when standing. Oh and my gears are frustrating me...is there a reason why they decide to take 15 minutes or longer to do the last click onto the right gear? It seldom makes the switch all at once...is this normal? This might be why the last bike rarely had it's gears changed.

10K!

I am very grateful for friends who take time out for me in their very busy schedule. Today I went biking with two people who have become friends over the last 6 years...Charlie McCordic who was my faculty adviser and his lovely wife. I love these two as though they are family. So we biked a beautiful trail today, which was quite the treat to my hilly neighbourhood. While riding along, the husband noted that my knees were coming up to my ears and that my seat should be adjusted. I assumed it was perfect all along. So we stopped and he re-adjusted it for me. He stated that there would be less strain on my knees with having my seat higher and he was right. I was getting tired after just five minutes and then my seat was adjusted. So 1K later once my seat was adjusted we kept going, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. I honestly didn't think that it was that long, but was. At this point we figured out what we wanted to do. We could bike back and then go for lunch somewhere or we ladies could keep going and he would go back to the car and drive on up to the restaurant that was around the 10K mark. So we did the latter, it certainly didn't seem like it was 10K, it was the perfect day to go for a ride like this. It was much cooler than it had been in probably over a month! However, I now realize and see the benefit of a few key things to have for my new bike and will work on doing these things. A new seat is going to be top priority as the seat that bikes come with are not made for comfort lol. Then repair kits and air pumps will be important to get as well to help with the maintenance of keeping my bike in good shape and continuously ride able.

Solution, Solutions, Solution

It has been an incredible journey over the last two months plus some. If you have missed it I took a giant leap of faith back in May and quit my job due to certain circumstances that I could no longer tolerate after nearly two years of working there. I had no job to fall back on, but had been looking. I had full peace and confidence through that initial step, but that wavered once more of my faith was put to the test. I didn't understand why God would give me such a peace about leaving a secure job (though it paid poorly), but take sooo long in supplying a job. I was unemployed for a full month which obviously means I had no income for that period of time. No groceries were affordable during this time. However God did do some amazing things and blessed me greatly.

Some special people (who are unknown to me as to who gave it), gave me monetary gifts and gift cards to make life that much easier and in doing so, made me feel very loved. This happened on four different occasions. Plus over my birthday weekend my parents blessed me with a new bike and some groceries. The new bike was something that I wanted for a while, but it will also save me some money in the long run with saving on some bus rides. Friends spoiled me with a picnic in the park where we played some card games, then later Croquet and a pizza dinner and leftover cake from the picnic with ice cream. Actually during this time I have really had a great time hanging out with a lot of different people and truly loved every minute of it.

After a month of not working, and having several interviews I was finally called and offered a job at Solutions - Your Organized Living Store for a part time position. I am no fool and knew I needed something, anything. I have always liked this store from the moment I walked into it for the first time. It is clean, organized, and has things for sale in there that you cannot find in most places. They have solutions to almost any problem and if they don't have it, the associates will come up with something to help you solve it or direct you to where you can find your solution. They even have custom closest designs and custom shelving units that you can put together yourself. Nothing is too complicated to put together yourself.

Well God was at work while I was at Solutions. This past Tuesday while I was playing volleyball I got a text message, and email from my old assistant manager. She indicated that circumstances changed and she wanted to know if I would like to come back. I didn't think about it too long, as I knew that it would be different this time, but yet that I know the work well. So after about an hour of discussing things with the old assistant I decided to go for it. I talked to my current manager the next day at work and she seemed very understanding.

So I can say that things changed in a quick 24 hour period. I fully believe that God provided a solution at Solutions, until a solution could be made. All glory is due him and again it has been shown that he will provide and that he is watching all things and working out all things for those that love Him.

A Bumpy Ride

So yesterday I came up with a wonderful idea, to ride my bike to a local park in the morning and have a picnic breakfast and devotional time. It was wonderful for the most part. The journey there and back required me to ride along a main road, which is fine when the road is nice and smooth and free of debris. However, there were sooo many potholes and things on the side of the road it makes one want to ride along the bumpy sidewalk instead. I'm sure I'll feel that particular ride tomorrow, but I plan to make that same trip tomorrow to do it all again. I did not make it up the entire hill that I had to climb on the way back likely because of the heat, I was just too hot and exhausted to even try harder to make it to the top. Hopefully by leaving earlier tomorrow morning I will be able to attempt that hill once more and make it up, and continue to do so from them on.

Second and third Adventure

So in attempt to ride my new bike every day, I went out the second day. It was a much shorter ride than I planned due to the fact that I'm not used to a tiny little seat under the bottom. So needless to say my bottom was a bit tender haha. So it was much shorter due to that and the battle with hills is still an issue. I came back home a different way and I guess the hill is a bit steeper as I had to get off and walked the bike up the hill. This also happened today as well. I wanted to ride my bike to volleyball, but had to walk the bike up one hill entirely, but the hill to the church was 3/4 of the way up before I couldn't do it anymore. On the way home I managed to barely make it up the one hill I had to go up, but did it nonetheless. I might ride it to church tomorrow night or at least go for a ride before going to church for the prayer meeting.

Bike Tales #1

So my parents (Mom and Step dad) came up to go out for dinner this Saturday(yesterday). At first I was supposed to meet them at the restaurant of choice, but then they called me and told me to go home. They were running a bit late as they had to turn around, plus they had fridge stuff for me. So I took the bus half way home and walked the other half. My parents got to my house before I did, but I was just down the street. So they came and met me in front of my house gave me hugs and my mom told me to read the card "right now". So I was obedient for a change ;-p and read it there lol. Inside the card was a key and I looked at it for a solid minute before figuring out what it was. Then I said "Biiicycllle?" My Mom wasn't expecting that I don't think. So then they opened up the back of the van and there laid a bike! A brand new bike. Along with a helmet and lock...however, they also got another necessity covered and I didn't see it until in the house...or just outside (can't remember, I was so excited) a horn that sounds like what you would hear from a clown.

This surely made me smile and I will keep it. I'm sure many heads will turn and be surprised to see an adult behind them lol.

Today I took the bike out for a drive. I have not ridden a bike in over ten years and I live in a very hilly section of town! This is hard for someone starting all over again, but none the less it was fun that is until I hurt myself lol. I decided to fiddle with the gears a bit, but they do not move smoothly and I guess I forgot that part. My foot slid and the back of my heel is all gouged up already. I will have to work on that and my steadiness...I was weaving all over the place and was not steady enough to try standing to pedal just yet. I know I will get there though so I'm not worried. Since it is July 1st I think I'll aim to start riding everyday even if it is only for 15 minutes and work my way up. Eventually riding to work come August (save on a bus pass), then hitting the trails on my days off in August.

More bike tales to come I'm sure :)

Teary eyed

This place I am in has been a long road, much longer than I anticipated. I thought that it would be two weeks max before I found something and it was four weeks instead. I had no money saved really, and I took a huge leap of faith knowing at the time that God had my back and that he opened the door for me to do it. I feel sooo weak in my faith right now as I know I can't take care of my own bills this month. I know there are people thinking that I shouldn't have done what I did. That it was a stupid move without having something falling into place right afterwards. Yet a month ago I knew in my heart of hearts that he would take care of everything. Now a month later when I'm looking at the bills coming in and what my account holds I know I can't do it. I'm scared and almost desperate now. Through a series of different things the tears have finally broken through and it's not an easy task to stop now. I just don't know what else to do besides and pray continue searching for a job that would add to my new job that I started just yesterday. I feel like a mess and I don't know how to clean it up right now. I realize that I'm really showing my vulnerability right now, but it's hard not to when I feel this broken...Oh Lord please give me that peace back.

Baggie Washers

When I was a youngin and didn't know any better or understand the logic of many of the ladies in my life I constantly asked this question in my mind. Why do they wash baggies? Now I didn't have baggies in my lunches or anything like that when I was growing up, but I did know that baggies were disposable. Meaning you throw them out after they are used right? Well when I would visit people and see that they washed their baggies I was so confused, let alone my one aunt who always re-used the milk bag for baked goods. I just didn't understand why they would do that. Thank you Mom for your crazy Tupperware fetish where it took me a long time to understand why disposables were never in our lunch bags. Not to mention the good food we usually had. MMMMmmmm oh childhood memories.

Now that I've been on my own so to speak for so long I get it. Baggies are expensive and milk bags have a great quality to them. I am now that person that washes baggies. I don't re-use the ones that had raw meat in them, but I re-use almost every other plastic bag I get. Whether it is for carrying an extra pair of shoes with me to work/church or on trips or for garbage. I use those milk bags for baked good or to freeze peeled bananas in. I see the value in what many of my elders did when I was younger and I find it funny how much I have changed and grown to be more and more like those older people in my life.

Who do you confide in or how do you know who to confide in?

Just a random question has come to mind and some other random thoughts.

Now you have to know me well for what I am about to share. I used to be this really shy quiet kid growing up. Sadly my peers thought that I was a stuck up snob, that I thought that I was better than everyone else. However, in reality I was sooo shy that I didn't know how to start off a conversation. I was terrible for it, I would stand off in the corner hoping and praying that someone would come along and try to be my friend. I had a few friends and of course all of my cousins were my best of friends. I had this one friend that changed my life forever. I will just call her S. We were in grade 4 together and we hit it off almost right away and we were inseparable for the longest time. I actually saw her a few months ago and we had coffee together. We used to talk about everything together, and we experienced the starting of womanhood together. Our friendship altered over the years, including years of us losing touch with each other. I confided many things with S and I'd like to think the same with me. However, what is it that causes us to hold back from so many people? Is it fear? Or is it just the unknown of how they will react. Some things just seem to strange and weird for us to talk about. I mean I have heard of some people talking about these things. Like the experience of change, we are at first little beautiful babies and we grow into these most adorable little children and then all of a sudden we hit an awkward stage and we don't know what is happening to us. Well we do if we have loving family who talk to us about these things, but how do we truly express how we feel as we go through this process.

Now I'm a Christian as you probably already know through previous posts or from knowing the life that I live, but there are things that happen in our every day life that is never talked about. Like dreams for instance, everyone dreams, but very few people actually talk about them even fewer trying to understand why they dreamed that specific dream. I for one had a wonderful dream and when I awoke I was very disappointed that it wasn't real. It seemed so real that I was almost shocked that it wasn't real.

Even further thinking, when and how is a good time to express feelings you might have for an individual if you are single and find a likely towards someone? I don't even mean expressing it to "the" person, but even your friends or family...what if "the" person doesn't feel the same way etc...oh how my mind wanders.

Would love your input on this one my dear readers...

1,111

This is how many page views I've had since starting my blog. A cool number to me, so I'm going to write quickly about a few things that happened yesterday.

1. I slept in until 9am...a rarity for sure.
2. I was going to go apply at hotels, but the clouds scared me away from doing so.
3. I called a employer back about a potential position.
4. I received a call from an employer where I had my first interview and was offered the job.
5. Half an hour later #3 called me back again and wanted me to come in within the hour for an interview.
6. I kind of want that job.
7. I didn't get rained on at all while I was out.
8. I ended the day off with a delicious homemade stir fry and played a game on the computer.

Thinking

Perhaps I'm doing too much of this thinking thing. Mind you, I have had a lot of time to do so. Three weeks of unemployment will do that to you. Yes, I have been busy during this time as I search, have interviews and enjoy time with friends and family, but I have had a fair amount of time sitting alone in my home or walking places. During those times I'm thinking long and deeply. Yesterday I went to pick up some rolls for dinner with some friends and after doing so I headed to a friend's place to get a ride to our friend's place. In the short walk across the parking lot street I had a very deep thought that I had to wish away or else my emotions would have gotten tied into it and I would have shown up looking distraught. My most recent status posted on Facebook brings to light some of that thought:

What is living by faith? What does it mean for you and me? Well I can tell one thing; I'm missing it altogether. If I were living by faith I wouldn't be worrying or stressing about my present circumstances. How is it that when I left my job I had perfect peace, but going into my fourth week without work I've lost that peace. Oh how I need to trust in Him...this is going to be a long road. Even though I know it'll all work out in the end. I'm struggling greatly right now...praying for peace, faith and trust in my Almighty God/Father.

I know that I'm not trusting although I say I am. I know that if I was that I would have perfect peace, I know that I would feel God's presence. I can't say that I don't, but I certainly don't feel it, like I should if I truly gave it all to him. God gave me complete peace when I surrendered the potential of leaving my job, but as the second week passed on without any job offers or interviews I quickly lost that. To say that I'm growing weary might be quite accurate to the point of feeling ill most every night. I know the bills will start coming in soon and that I have this crazy need of eating every few hours. I can only distract myself for so long and then suddenly I start feeling ill again. I would covet your prayers deeply today and in the days to come. I do not believe that I will come to perfect peace without this act of love.

Retail Rut

The job market is tough there is no doubt about it. I have been looking for work for a few months off and on. Now that I'm unemployed I'm looking all day everyday. I was applying online for administrative jobs, but everyone wants you to have experience, to which I have very little. Yesterday I was gone most of the day hand delivering resumes. I even stopped off at an employment assistance company. I had an interview and extensive profile to fill out. Many places have gone to only accepting resumes online. I hit it off with a few employees in those places where I applied. Connecting with people from my hometown who have also moved away. Went to a store that I used to work at (different location) and my old manager from there is now at that location which it was nice to bump into her there.

Apparently I have the skills and experience to be hired into retail much easier than an administrative role. I was trying to avoid this, but if this is an area that I'm strong in I guess I need to embrace it and perhaps consider looking into getting other experiences while I'm at it.

All that to say I have an interview tomorrow. I remember the first time that I walked into this store. I was in awe of the tidiness and cleanliness I saw. Not to mention all the little trinkets that I would love to get my hands on. Maybe I can then become and more organized person in my home :).

God's Word is Powerful

Yesterday afternoon upon my return home I found something interesting, yet bothersome at the same time. I came home and gathered my blue box and green bin from the curb as it was garbage day. My green bin is always left open after pick up. I went to close the lid and saw that there was something in it. I didn't look at it then, but closed the lid anyway and proceeded to pick up the blue box and head into my house. I then opened the green bin again to take out what was inside. I was a New Testament -Answer Book. I then put both garbage containers outside my back door. Then went about doing things. A little later in the day I went to thumb through the New Testament of the Bible and noticed that someone tried to burn it. It only made a whole through two of the pages though right at the front of the book. Nothing is missing and it really isn't all that damaged. It troubled me at first that someone placed it in my bin, but at the same time I believe that it was a fluke over all. Except believe that God had it placed there with a purpose...this little book will be held by someone else one day that will come to believe that this is a powerful book. God who is all powerful all knowing will bring someone to himself through this specific Bible. My job is to use it in obedience to his calling on who it should go to.

Waiting, listening.

A Key To Opening a Door

Yesterday was a fun and interesting day. I went to church in the am as usual for a Sunday morning. I was the helper in the toddler room, so I got to play with, and redirect the children and only changed one stinky diaper ;-). After church I went to the store to pick up a calling card so that I could call my mom up since it was mother's day and all. I even stopped at McDonald's for a $1 drink as I was beyond thirsty, then I started the walk home. When I got home I rummaged through my purse for my key to get in. There was no key! I searched frantically now trying to find this one thing to allow me to be in my home. To no avail no matter how many times I looked in my pockets and searched through my purse they just weren't there lol. So I stood there in shock as I knew my phone was also in the house as I knew I wouldn't need it. Much to my dismay I was wrong. So I saw that a neighbour was out in their yard a few houses down and across the street. So I went over to them explained my situation. They were wonderful, loaning me their phone and even the phone book to try and find my landlord's number. We found his business number, but not his home number. So then I went back to the house to try to enter in another way...no such luck. Then the same neighbour came over with one of her sons with water and to ofter their washroom if I needed one. I was so thankful for them at this point as I was sitting in the sun and getting mighty hot. After about 20 minutes I went back to my neighbour's house again to use their washroom and decided that I should venture out and do some shopping that I had to get done (diapers). One my way home my neighbour was driving by me a few streets over and offered a drive as she was going home. So I accepted. She offered for me to join their family at her parents home for dinner, I declined as I was planning to go to church and thought for sure there would be a way of connecting with someone who had contact info for my landlord. Sure enough there was, so after service I got my landlord's home number and I was in my house for the first time in 10 hours. So thankful for the wonderful people that tried to help me out and did a great job at accomplishing it. Continually amazed by Him.

A Strange Sense

Today I was planning on being home all day, but after making coffee I realized I didn't have milk or cream. So I went to the store to buy a few items. Upon returning home I went online to look for jobs to apply to. I found two which interested me and so I sent my resume off. Then I got this odd sense that I would hear back from one of the places I applied to. Whether it would have been one of the two from today or one from previous days. So I kept my email open all day, but set about the cooking and baking I had in mind to do today.

Shortly after eating my tasty ham dinner I noticed that there was an email waiting for me to check it. Sure enough there was a reply in my inbox from a job posting I replied to today! Unfortunately it doesn't look like our schedules will collide very well this week as I still working my current job. He did however state that depending on how this week goes perhaps we can make an interview time for Monday.

Please pray with me that if this is the job for me that he will schedule an interview with me next week.

Thank you :)

Oh To Be A Kid Again!

So I might get some laughs out of you all. This afternoon was lovely! I decided to go to Tim's for a coffee and on the way home I also decided that if no one was at the park that I cut through that I would go for a swing. So as I approached the park I saw that it was empty, so I hopped onto one of the swings and enjoyed myself. It's been a couple of years since I had a good swing. By the way did I mention I didn't have any children with me and yet I swung anyway.

It's no wonder why children burn so much energy playing. My legs are like jelly again...I think I'll do that more often when the park is empty :).

The Nagging "What If's"

In my previous post I talked about what God prompted me to do last Tuesday. I had a peace and faith that God would supply all my needs. I truly know that he will, but over the course of the last couple of days I have had the nagging "what if's?" trying to take a hold of my confidence that I truly believe that God gave me.

Questions that keep coming to mind are..."What if you don't find another job?", "What happens when your bills start piling up?", "What if you run out of food and have no money in your account to buy more?", "What if something urgent comes up and you can't go or can't do what needs to be done?"

I know that God gave me this peace to begin with. I have no doubt in my mind that he did. However, Satan has a way of trying to work in such a way that we forget what God has done and what he has given us. Then he tries to get a foothold on those things that might trouble us or distract us. Well I am here to say that I want none of it! He can just go away and stop pestering me. God has a plan and he will over rule Satan's plan to try and scheme and play with my thoughts feelings and reactions. I will not have it. So will you my readers please pray along with me in regards to this?

Don't be afraid to comment now and then. Your comments are always appreciated and looked forward to :).

A Huge Leap of Faith

Now I have to say that under normal circumstances things would have happened differently than they did. However, my situation was and is far from normal. I have been in the same field of work for quite a while now. Retail is no cup of tea and especially so in the "outlet" world. Add in some interesting mixes and personalities into that world and you get a whole lot of stress. I won't get into the knitty gritty details here. However, the stress became to great to bear anymore. I felt ill everyday that I had to work and my heart would start racing the moment I set my feet upon the parking lot. It was awful, I had been looking for work a fair bit throughout the month of April. So I have nearly two dozen resumes out there now. This past Tuesday I gave my notice at my job with nothing to go to. I had so much peace about this decision even though so many people would think that I was absolutely nuts for making such a decision. I may even be thought of as being dumb or stupid for not covering my butt. Here's the kicker though, I have an awesome God who cares about every need, every detail of my life. He truly cared about the way I was feeling and knew all about it, because I told him about it all the time. I am confident that he will supply...Matthew 6:25-34 tells all about his care in these matters. I don't know how I am going to pay all my bills, but I'm not worried about it because I know God will provide. I just know, I have had a couple of people comment that they wouldn't do this. I wouldn't normally as stated before, but God has a funny way of working in a persons heart and showing them a great amount of peace. This peace received from God shows me who is guiding. I love this feeling...

Never Enough Time

Do you ever go through your day and think I didn't have enough time to accomplish everything I wanted to? Or I should have or wish I could have spent more time doing such and such? I am there totally and almost all day every day.

The thing that has been a realization lately is that I'm not home for approx. 60 hours a week. 50 of those hours at consumed by work and about 10 of those is church. This does not include errands that I run here and there. That only leaves me with 52 hours outside of sleep and being out of the house for the entire week. So if I divide that up by how many days of the week it's just over 7 hours a day. I have to do house work, cooking, laundry, and ready myself everyday. That's not a whole lot of time with everything else that happens in a day. The thing that I most wish I had time to do was sit and soak myself in the Word. How I love to sit there reading, praying, and journalling. However, alas I don't get to do this for as long as I like unless I have a day off of work where I don't have to rush somewhere at some point during the day.

So I guess it is time to say take what I get or work on better time management...not sure there is much room for too much improvement though

:-s

I give you the pen God

I am writing this blog as a part of my devotional time this morning. I had given up on the idea/dream of becoming a wife last year for almost a year, until one of my best friends spoke to me about this area. I believe that God used her to catch my attention that he does have this in his plan for my life. We were talking about marriage as she is getting married this year. I said something along the lines of not getting married and all she was was "Christina, I know you will get married. I just know it. I know in my heart of hearts that you will get married. I can't explain how I know, I just know!" It was so profound that I actually didn't know what to say in response haha.

Over a year and a half ago I made a journal from scratch that was designed with the potential husband in mind. I never wrote in it until this year. This journal is something that I plan to give him the night before or day we get married. This journal will be filled with "love letters" for his eyes only. However, it will be filled with prayers for him. Along with hopes and dreams for as as well as what I believe will be his character traits etc. I had in mind to do this in my early twenties, but those were like true journal entries. All of what I did that day, well that can be boring stuff and after reading through many of those I felt that it wasn't what I really wanted to give this man of my dreams.

When I was in my late teens early twenties there was a couple who started publishing books and I became enamoured through their work. You may recognize their names, Eric and Leslie Ludy. I have decided to pick up one of the first two books to read once again with my devotionals. The first couple of chapters they (they take turns writing chapters) talked about giving God the pen to write their love stories. After reading those chapters I closed off in prayer and literally threw up a pen to God to allow him access to this area of my life again. Not that I ever truly closed it off, but that I had given up for a while and want to allow him to be able to do as He wishes with my life.

And so He writes...

I was incredibly blessed this past weekend

Earlier in the week I talked to my manager about possibly switching a shift with someone as I forgot to state that I wasn't available after 5 pm that coming Saturday. Unfortunately I could switch with my co-worker as she wasn't able. When Saturday came my manager decided to be kind and allow me to go at 6 instead of 6:30. I was ever thankful even though I would still be late for the 5:30pm practice. So at 6, I'm running out the door to catch my bus to save as much time as possible.

Then suddenly I heard my name being called and I thought that it was one of my co-workers at first and I was a tad irritated considering she knew I was rushing out the door. Here it was someone from my church who I consider a friend. She offered me a drive home, but I told her I was actually heading to the church so she drove me there. On the way to the church I saw my friend's brother going the opposite direction.

When I got to the church I saw that everyone was in the foyer where we were about to start. So I dropped my things and got in place. As we got up to the front during the first song I got acknowledgement from the choir director as she noted that I was earlier than I thought. Within a few minutes I saw my friends brother return. After we were done practicing my friend and I were talking and I pulled out my phone to check it. I saw that she called me, so I said you called me. Then she told me that her brother came to pick me up. I was shocked and stunned to say the least. So I told her well I have to thank him. So I did and he told me that he was standing inside the door looking for me. A co-worker went up to him to ask him if they could help him. He just asked if I had left yet and they told him I had. So he came back to the church.

After we all left and got home I talked to my friend again. She told me more of how things went that night. Apparently her brother came up on the stage to ask her if he should come and get me. She told him to try calling me through her phone. I obviously missed the call, but then he came anyway. It was totally him idea. Also I found out why my friend who drove me to the church was in the area. She was shopping and needed a break so sat by Starbucks having her treat. Then she thought about me and decided to wait to see if I needed or wanting a drive home. What a great way to bless someone.

I felt sooo blessed that evening going home.

The kids in my life

I am very blessed. Even though I am not a parent I have several children in my life that I just adore to bits. I have one niece who is 14, two nephews who will be 12 this year and another nephew who will be 8 this year. I just sent three of these guys a message on Facebook letting them know that I'm thinking about them. One replied right away and just said I love you too. This is when you see the woman in me haha I got teary eyed! I just love these kids (not so little ones) so much that a few weeks without seeing them feels like forever!

I also have two goddaughters and another godchild on the way all from the same family. Actually the third could join us all in any day now. I love these kids as though they are my family as well and I sure hope that they know it. I spend as much time with them and thinking about them as I do my niece and nephews.

There is a new sibling as well that I have mentioned before. My baby sister was born last September and I cannot get enough of her either. I am actually wanting to see her really bad, but I cannot afford to go to Toronto all the time to see her.

Of course there are other children in my life that I love, but I would be here all day talking about them all. So alas I'll just keep it to the key children (closest in relation).

A little bit of everything

I feel as though life has been choatic in the last few weeks. Once I write about them you might think the same. It has been a challenging and frustrating couple of weeks, but at the same time I am learning a few things about myself that I do not like. Now granted I like that I find these things as well, because it causes me to be refined and then I pray to God that he will change me and shape me.
It all started about two weeks ago now while I was in St. Catharines (the weekend prior was chaotic as well with all the running around I had to do, but this is afterwards). I was meeting up with friends for breakfast and I took off my coat as I was about to settle into a seat at Tim Hortons. A few moment later I realized that I was scratching away at my elbow and looked at it noticing massive bumps in that area. Once I noticed it I tried to ignore it, but it was extremely itchy! I had a great time with my friends, and enjoyed getting into the best toys ever known as Lego while visiting and playing with my goddaughters. After this wonderful visit I headed back to my mom's and within the half and hour we were out bowling. We all had a wonderful time and boy can my youngest nephew bowl lol. He kicked most of our little hinies! After this we all went out for dinner at Swiss Chalet, which I do not think we as a family will visit again. We were forgotten about because our waitress got more tables lol. That makes a whole lot of sense right??? Anyway this is when I noticed that those bumps were not only on my one elbow, but all up my arms. I had huge hives and bumps on top of that.

I started going through the work week and by the end of the week I was going nuts with the itch. I wasn't sleeping through the night because I woke up to the itch. I then got very paranoid that I picked up bed bugs from my dad's place. So I washed all my clothes that I had with me, through my backpack and pillows and everything into the dryer, which I did the day after I arrived home. I set up traps around the legs of my bed to make the bugs get stuck. I worked 5 days straight, and with how the shifts were I didn't think that I had time to go to the clinic to sit there and wait forever. I went bowling Saturday night and had one of the girls suggest that I had scabies. In my line of thinking I thought that it would be better if I had that rather than bedbugs. I finally went to the clinic Sunday morning. I sat there trying my hardest not to scratch my itch. It was a big challenge. Finally in the patient room I got to see the Doctor. I told him I am going completely insane and he looked at my complexed as he couldn't see why. I removed my sweater to expose what I thought was bedbug bites. His expression changed and his jaw dropped and eyes grew as he took in my skin all red and blotchy. He checked a few things out to narrow down what it was and he decided that it was very bad hives/rash. He asked me if I changed anything and what not. I told him that I stayed at my dad's one night last week and then 24 hours later I broke out. I told him that I thought that it was bedbugs and he said no bites don't show up that fast. So here I was overly happy that bedbug bites was ruled out. PHEW! I have heard how hard they are to get rid of. However, two weeks later I still have the traps set up around my bed legs haha.

After all this and me sleeping poorly more stress was added on because of work. We were soooo close to making month sales target that we needed to push really hard towards the end. Apparently if we were to miss the month by a small amount my manager and the assistant would get reemed out by the DM. Now this is where I learned something about myself that I don't like. This is a stress that my manager should be stressing over as well as the assistant as they are the ones that would be directly dealing with the DM, but I took it on as though it was my responsibility only. I hate for people to get into trouble because of something that I did. So apparently all the sales that the store brought in was my doing and my responsibility, when it is everyone's in reality.

There is another matter that I have been getting really frustrated over, but I will not go into detail of that one. I will say this though it is a matter that most every adult must deal with.

With all of these things going on there is something that came to light at the end of this week. I have been very poor at making time for my devotionals in the morning especially in the last couple of weeks. I find that when I stop or slow down in taking this time to spend with God I struggle sooo much in this area because I take everything on. My body has been reacting terribly to all the stress I have been carrying around with me. I thought that it was the medication I was on for the rash, but drowsiness is the only symptom. Once I learned that I knew my body was reacting to the stressors. Oh boy! I must allow God to carry these for me. As it is He is the only one that can aside from me, but I cannot carry it on my own.

Creativity

Greetings to you my reader!

I have to admit that I truly enjoy getting creative. I have to put my thinking cap on and then I get to play with ideas that are always running through my little head. I do many different creative things with my time. Anything from crocheting, scrapbooking, painting or whatever my heart contends too.

My newest addition to this is diapercaking haha. This is a diaper cake, now you might be wondering what a diaper cake is. So allow me to explain as I know this is my number one question when I talk about them. These are diapers arranged in a way that resembles a traditional wedding cake. I have only used disposable diapers so far, but hope to add cloth diapers to the list soon. I started a little business sort of thing called "Christina's Babycakes" which I kind of start in July. I haven't really sold any yet, but I do have some in the making for a couple of orders I just recieved. Until these ones came in I was making them and giving them away as gifts to get my name out there.

What caused me to start doing these you might ask? Well a new addition has been brought into my little family. Last winter my dad informed me that he and his new wife were expecting. So here I am into my thirties and I'm going to be a big sister. I wanted to try something new when I was starting to plan out a shower for the new parents (may as well admit it, they are out of practice). Although plans changed in regards to the shower I still had a diapercake all made up for my baby sister! Timera was born on September 30th and she is a little sweetheart.

Here is a picture of what it looks like although each one I make is different.

Alone

Now it has come to my mind quite often about me living in a big house alone. However, with me having several days off in a week it seems to hit me harder all the more often. I was talking with my cousin this evening through Facebook while making dinner and told her brb hopefully with food this time. So here I was eating dinner at my computer typing inbetween bites. I don't mind sitting at a table to eat at all, but what I do mind is sitting there looking at 5 empty chairs surrounding the table. There is noone to break the silence, noone to stick up that index finger to let them know you just need a second to respond. Noone to share a little laughter with, to cook a meal or shovel the driveway with. I love this house and being here alone most of the time. Just at times it dawns on me that I'm not sharing this with anyone. Ah well, at least there are many times that I do get to share meal times with others :)