Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Teary eyed
This place I am in has been a long road, much longer than I anticipated. I thought that it would be two weeks max before I found something and it was four weeks instead. I had no money saved really, and I took a huge leap of faith knowing at the time that God had my back and that he opened the door for me to do it. I feel sooo weak in my faith right now as I know I can't take care of my own bills this month. I know there are people thinking that I shouldn't have done what I did. That it was a stupid move without having something falling into place right afterwards. Yet a month ago I knew in my heart of hearts that he would take care of everything. Now a month later when I'm looking at the bills coming in and what my account holds I know I can't do it. I'm scared and almost desperate now. Through a series of different things the tears have finally broken through and it's not an easy task to stop now. I just don't know what else to do besides and pray continue searching for a job that would add to my new job that I started just yesterday. I feel like a mess and I don't know how to clean it up right now. I realize that I'm really showing my vulnerability right now, but it's hard not to when I feel this broken...Oh Lord please give me that peace back.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Baggie Washers
When I was a youngin and didn't know any better or understand the logic of many of the ladies in my life I constantly asked this question in my mind. Why do they wash baggies? Now I didn't have baggies in my lunches or anything like that when I was growing up, but I did know that baggies were disposable. Meaning you throw them out after they are used right? Well when I would visit people and see that they washed their baggies I was so confused, let alone my one aunt who always re-used the milk bag for baked goods. I just didn't understand why they would do that. Thank you Mom for your crazy Tupperware fetish where it took me a long time to understand why disposables were never in our lunch bags. Not to mention the good food we usually had. MMMMmmmm oh childhood memories.
Now that I've been on my own so to speak for so long I get it. Baggies are expensive and milk bags have a great quality to them. I am now that person that washes baggies. I don't re-use the ones that had raw meat in them, but I re-use almost every other plastic bag I get. Whether it is for carrying an extra pair of shoes with me to work/church or on trips or for garbage. I use those milk bags for baked good or to freeze peeled bananas in. I see the value in what many of my elders did when I was younger and I find it funny how much I have changed and grown to be more and more like those older people in my life.
Now that I've been on my own so to speak for so long I get it. Baggies are expensive and milk bags have a great quality to them. I am now that person that washes baggies. I don't re-use the ones that had raw meat in them, but I re-use almost every other plastic bag I get. Whether it is for carrying an extra pair of shoes with me to work/church or on trips or for garbage. I use those milk bags for baked good or to freeze peeled bananas in. I see the value in what many of my elders did when I was younger and I find it funny how much I have changed and grown to be more and more like those older people in my life.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Who do you confide in or how do you know who to confide in?
Just a random question has come to mind and some other random thoughts.
Now you have to know me well for what I am about to share. I used to be this really shy quiet kid growing up. Sadly my peers thought that I was a stuck up snob, that I thought that I was better than everyone else. However, in reality I was sooo shy that I didn't know how to start off a conversation. I was terrible for it, I would stand off in the corner hoping and praying that someone would come along and try to be my friend. I had a few friends and of course all of my cousins were my best of friends. I had this one friend that changed my life forever. I will just call her S. We were in grade 4 together and we hit it off almost right away and we were inseparable for the longest time. I actually saw her a few months ago and we had coffee together. We used to talk about everything together, and we experienced the starting of womanhood together. Our friendship altered over the years, including years of us losing touch with each other. I confided many things with S and I'd like to think the same with me. However, what is it that causes us to hold back from so many people? Is it fear? Or is it just the unknown of how they will react. Some things just seem to strange and weird for us to talk about. I mean I have heard of some people talking about these things. Like the experience of change, we are at first little beautiful babies and we grow into these most adorable little children and then all of a sudden we hit an awkward stage and we don't know what is happening to us. Well we do if we have loving family who talk to us about these things, but how do we truly express how we feel as we go through this process.
Now I'm a Christian as you probably already know through previous posts or from knowing the life that I live, but there are things that happen in our every day life that is never talked about. Like dreams for instance, everyone dreams, but very few people actually talk about them even fewer trying to understand why they dreamed that specific dream. I for one had a wonderful dream and when I awoke I was very disappointed that it wasn't real. It seemed so real that I was almost shocked that it wasn't real.
Even further thinking, when and how is a good time to express feelings you might have for an individual if you are single and find a likely towards someone? I don't even mean expressing it to "the" person, but even your friends or family...what if "the" person doesn't feel the same way etc...oh how my mind wanders.
Would love your input on this one my dear readers...
Now you have to know me well for what I am about to share. I used to be this really shy quiet kid growing up. Sadly my peers thought that I was a stuck up snob, that I thought that I was better than everyone else. However, in reality I was sooo shy that I didn't know how to start off a conversation. I was terrible for it, I would stand off in the corner hoping and praying that someone would come along and try to be my friend. I had a few friends and of course all of my cousins were my best of friends. I had this one friend that changed my life forever. I will just call her S. We were in grade 4 together and we hit it off almost right away and we were inseparable for the longest time. I actually saw her a few months ago and we had coffee together. We used to talk about everything together, and we experienced the starting of womanhood together. Our friendship altered over the years, including years of us losing touch with each other. I confided many things with S and I'd like to think the same with me. However, what is it that causes us to hold back from so many people? Is it fear? Or is it just the unknown of how they will react. Some things just seem to strange and weird for us to talk about. I mean I have heard of some people talking about these things. Like the experience of change, we are at first little beautiful babies and we grow into these most adorable little children and then all of a sudden we hit an awkward stage and we don't know what is happening to us. Well we do if we have loving family who talk to us about these things, but how do we truly express how we feel as we go through this process.
Now I'm a Christian as you probably already know through previous posts or from knowing the life that I live, but there are things that happen in our every day life that is never talked about. Like dreams for instance, everyone dreams, but very few people actually talk about them even fewer trying to understand why they dreamed that specific dream. I for one had a wonderful dream and when I awoke I was very disappointed that it wasn't real. It seemed so real that I was almost shocked that it wasn't real.
Even further thinking, when and how is a good time to express feelings you might have for an individual if you are single and find a likely towards someone? I don't even mean expressing it to "the" person, but even your friends or family...what if "the" person doesn't feel the same way etc...oh how my mind wanders.
Would love your input on this one my dear readers...
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
1,111
This is how many page views I've had since starting my blog. A cool number to me, so I'm going to write quickly about a few things that happened yesterday.
1. I slept in until 9am...a rarity for sure.
2. I was going to go apply at hotels, but the clouds scared me away from doing so.
3. I called a employer back about a potential position.
4. I received a call from an employer where I had my first interview and was offered the job.
5. Half an hour later #3 called me back again and wanted me to come in within the hour for an interview.
6. I kind of want that job.
7. I didn't get rained on at all while I was out.
8. I ended the day off with a delicious homemade stir fry and played a game on the computer.
1. I slept in until 9am...a rarity for sure.
2. I was going to go apply at hotels, but the clouds scared me away from doing so.
3. I called a employer back about a potential position.
4. I received a call from an employer where I had my first interview and was offered the job.
5. Half an hour later #3 called me back again and wanted me to come in within the hour for an interview.
6. I kind of want that job.
7. I didn't get rained on at all while I was out.
8. I ended the day off with a delicious homemade stir fry and played a game on the computer.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Thinking
Perhaps I'm doing too much of this thinking thing. Mind you, I have had a lot of time to do so. Three weeks of unemployment will do that to you. Yes, I have been busy during this time as I search, have interviews and enjoy time with friends and family, but I have had a fair amount of time sitting alone in my home or walking places. During those times I'm thinking long and deeply. Yesterday I went to pick up some rolls for dinner with some friends and after doing so I headed to a friend's place to get a ride to our friend's place. In the short walk across the parking lot street I had a very deep thought that I had to wish away or else my emotions would have gotten tied into it and I would have shown up looking distraught. My most recent status posted on Facebook brings to light some of that thought:
I know that I'm not trusting although I say I am. I know that if I was that I would have perfect peace, I know that I would feel God's presence. I can't say that I don't, but I certainly don't feel it, like I should if I truly gave it all to him. God gave me complete peace when I surrendered the potential of leaving my job, but as the second week passed on without any job offers or interviews I quickly lost that. To say that I'm growing weary might be quite accurate to the point of feeling ill most every night. I know the bills will start coming in soon and that I have this crazy need of eating every few hours. I can only distract myself for so long and then suddenly I start feeling ill again. I would covet your prayers deeply today and in the days to come. I do not believe that I will come to perfect peace without this act of love.
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