The Pile

I decided that since I have almost reach my first weight loss goal that I should try everything on. First I went through my closet and then through the dresser. The pile kept growing; at first I wasn't going to keep anything that that was too big, but that changed when I got to the bulky sweaters. I was planning to keep everythibg that did fit, that was until I saw how droopy some items were in places. So with that said I am not sure if the pile is higher or lower than I thought it would be. Either way I said a lot of wow's as I was shocked to see how different everything was fitting. I mean I see myself in the mirror every day, but I don't see the weight loss other than in my clothing. even when shopping and lookong at clothes I know XL is too big, and look at large or medium

...I can now wear either...depending on the cut, style and material. This here is the pile I wound up with...even  with going through both the closet and the dresser twice before.

when I re-started this journey every hanger in my closet was being used. As you can see now that is not the case. From left to right we have scarves, then clothes that fit, the two shirts in the middle are actually big, but can be used until they are replaced. Then there are items that are just a tad too small. I will work at rebuilding my wardrobe as time goes on.

I went through almost everything in my dresser except for my pj's as I don't care how they fit. peoplw don't really get to see me in them lol.

God Works In All Things

Do you ever go through your day and look back at what they day was like, how about the week? I just got in from a long, very brisk walk and when I walk I think...A LOT as well as pray as I go on these walks. Today I got thinking about a recent struggle that I faced and remember asking friend to pray for me...not everyone knew why, but I have felt those prayers. As long as that struggle could have been I think I am through it, if not fully then nearly there. I am so thankful that I'm through it faster than I thought that I would be. I have overcome some pretty heavy hurdles over the last few years, but I know it had nothing to do with me really. It has been God working through it and making it much easier, as I relied on Him and not on myself. I know that this hasn't been too easy most of the time and there were more times than I care to admit that I tried to take it back. This most recent struggle was left with Him and I tried not to think about it.

I've also had an attitude check. I have found myself being grumpy far too often and I've learned that I cannot cling to those frustrations as they were ruining my day, as well as those around me. People didn't want to be near me and I know at times still don't. I'm trying really hard to work on this, but with God being my guide once again...I am trying to keep a close eye on myself and how I respond to others. Some of you reading this might wonder what attitude I'm talking about, this usually comes out at work or with those that I am around a great deal. It is a shameful thing and I'm thankful that I don't live this way 24/7 and that I desire to treat others better in the way that I talk with them. I have in the past told these people that I may speak curtly to, to let me know, as I am often not aware of how I am coming across. I usually don't change it right that instant, but I am then aware and watch for it.  In that process I try to catch myself and turn my attitude around. So please if you are seeing this in me, say something. I don't bite...just my tone does lol. I want to glorify God in all that I do, I want Him to use me however he wishes. I don't want to ruin what he might have planned for me or for someone else, because I choose not to guard my tongue, and to treat those around me as His.

It's a part of my life

I'm sure that you my readers might be getting tired of or even bored of reading my updates on my latest success at weight loss. This is a huge part of my life right now and will be until I am where I would like to be as far as the scale is concerned. I started working on the weight loss process back in 2006 as was probably mentioned in another post, and I kind of lost track of it for a while. I am now back at it as I have the support of my roommates as they are also trying to tackle their weight. Though the wife of the two didn't need to lose much she was right along with us for the support aspect and to get back into shape for herself also.

As a household we have lost about 75 pounds since the beginning of May. I just went past the 25 pound mark this week, but that is just since May which I know is really good. However there is more, as of this morning I reached a grand total of 60 pounds! This is a huge accomplishment in my books. Last year my family celebrated with one of my aunts for losing 100 pounds! My 60 pounds sounds like peanuts in comparison, but I'm determined to get pretty close to that. I have mentioned before that once I hit my first "goal weight" that I'm going to get my hair cut and get a couple of outfits (these will be used as I'm hoping to shrink out of them rather quickly to be spending a lot of money on them). Once I hit that amount, (which by the way I am only about 8 pounds from) I plan to start the couch potato to 5K again. I tried to do this in my third year of college, but my Plantar Fasciitis flared up, so I'm hoping that with such a great loss in weight that it will not be an issue this time around.

As I was out for a walk today I got totally excited as I realized how great I feel. I am the lowest weight I have been since I can remember other than my lowest in High school. So as of right now when you talk with me I might share what is going on in my life which will include this as it is part of my life. Just as you would talk about that relationship or your children. Since I don't have either of those things right now the next best/biggest thing going on in my life is this.

A Goal

If you haven't been reading my blog I have a few posts about my weight loss journey. I have lost a great deal of weight over the years and am just a few pounds from hitting fifty pounds again. By the end of July I am hoping to lose another 13 pounds. This will be a new low for me and I hope to continue losing fat and strengthening my core and these flabby little arms lol. I have only changed my diet by counting in everything through this amazing little app called my fitness pal. I am also more physically active. I walk a bit more than I used to and am back at playing volleyball. All this time I have just been weighing myself, but I took measurements today of my neck, hips, and waist. I will record the measurements every 3-4 weeks. I actually still have my records from 2007 that I made up while in my first year of college, then there is some done again in 2009 when I hit the weight that I am almost at now. I will taje measurements again next month and hopefully there is some less inches.

As reward for hitting this goal weight for the end of July I plan to get a hair cut and buy a new outfit or two (this is to hopefully get me through to the next goal I will set for myself.

If you are thinking about going on this adventure, my fitness pal is available online or for anapp for your phone. Let me know you added it and we can connect there for added support.

The children have grown, but I have shrunk!

Nearly 9 years ago things were much different. As I was gathering up my laundry after sorting I looked at a photo that was taken on Halloween when my currently almost 9 year old nephew was just a few months old. My niece and nephews standing in front of me and the youngest one in my arms. We are all dressed in our awesome costumes and yes even the baby was sporting a little make up and looking oh so cute. As I reflect on this picture I realize how time flies! Now not even 9 years later I will be standing in the middle of the five of us and I will be shorter that my niece and one of my nephews, with still having two nephews shorter than I am, but the one for sure would have to stand to the side. We might also want to note here that my niece is only 15 and the two middle nephews are 13 more or less (so they are not even to their full height yet). There is also something else very different from back then. I am nearly 50 pounds lighter and getting a photo together of the five of us we would certainly see a difference. I don't have a double chin anymore!

Alas all the children have gotten a lot taller and I'm sure that they will all over tower their little auntie over here who may not be getting taller, but is slimming down! Who is up for playing lego on the floor?

Budgeting

Just about everyone I know is struggling with finances and it is no real surprise as to why. I am and I know that I am blessed with the place I live in. It is "Stupid" cheap as some people might say. Everyone it seems is trying to get out of debt and I'm no exception. With the leap of faith I took last year I am behind and am slowly catching up. Sadly this is happening slower than I had planned. So now I am sitting here with all my figures sitting before me for me to work through and try to make a budget to stick to. This is going to be very tough, I know I don't have "normal" rent dues, but I do have exceptional Student loan payments.

What are some tips and tricks you have in place to help you stay on track and still enjoy life a little?

One year ago this week...

One year ago this week was the week that I took a huge step of faith. I was stressed out to the max and feeling overwhelmed by my job. I could no longer take the inconsistency of not having a schedule I could count on, giving up weekends that I asked to have off because of family functions, the schedule changing and being treated poorly by my manager. I literally felt ill all the time especially on days when I had to go to work and even when I thought about working. There were days when I felt my heart racing and days when I rather stay in bed. I rarely wanted to eat and sometimes instead of feeling hungry, I felt nauseated. I could no longer handle feeling this way. I looked for work, and even had a few interviews, but this week a year ago I gave my notice to my manager. I decided that I needed to take a leap of faith of which I had complete peace about. I had no job lined up, nothing coming up even. I had given my notice for the weekend that I had originally planned to go to St. Catharines for my new cousins baby shower, but a "Mega Sale" came up and suddenly I wasn't allowed to have that weekend off anymore. So I had had enough and said my goodbyes. My manager was caught off guard, but I knew that God would provide and I know that he had given me the peace to do this.

I was actually completely unemployed for an entire month, scrapping the barrel clean of any funds I had. God still blessed me, I had friends come alongside me and help me where they could, some of whom were anonymous. Then my parents helped me out a great deal even individuals within my church family. I honestly could not have made it through that time without these people. Although it took me a month to find work, when I did it was only part time. This job was different even though it was still retail, the customer base was quite different. The business was slow quite often, and there would be days where I was sent home which was a lot. After a month and a half of working there I was contacted by my old assistant manager and asked if I'd like to come back (the main reason why I left and why everyone was so miserable, had finally left) they wanted me back. So after thinking about it for a bit I decided to go back as I needed the full time hours. Things did improve, but it was so bad in the first place that things didn't change that drastically. I went back and yes it took me a little bit before I was right back to where I was right before I had left just a couple of months before that.

In December I had an interview that went extremely well and I was offered the job on the spot to work for the brand new Target opening up in the Spring of 2013. Unfortunately I had no current photo identification, so my hire was hanging there in my face until I got that sorted out. February 11 I finally started at my new position at Target in Reverse Logistics. The change of job changed everything. It took about three weeks before my stomach settled. I had an appetite, and ate without worry. Target is probably the most positive environment that I have worked in for a few years (my missions experience doesn't count). Morning meetings do happen, but they start off with recognition and the meeting will not go any further unless there is at least a handful spoken. Three months later I am still enjoying my job, everyday is a new adventure. I'm still learning things and still trying to figure out my role. I truly believe that this will be the last job I have here in Canada before heading overseas to full time missions.

With all this said I have seen God work in me in so many ways over the last year. He told me to step out in Faith and I did, though it was tough I saw Him take care of every need. He changed my work environment for the better and in the end put me in a great place to work. All credit and honour is due to Him.

Counting Calories is going to cost me

Well it's been a while since I wrote, but the main reason for that is the slowness of my computer and the speed of my new phone. I hardly ever sit in front of my computer anymore.

I have recently had one of my best friends move in with her hubby and the plan right away was to eat together and to eat well. That happens often, but we also have those times where we are eating junk, tonight was no exception. We have it in our heads that May 1st we are going to set up a plan for success!

We aren't going to count all of the calories that we take in, but that of junk food. So when we want a chocolate bar we need to weigh out our options. This is when the cost comes into effect. We decided that we are going to pay for those extra needless calories. The idea here is to make us realize that spending money on the food not only effects us physically, but also financially. We haven't worked out the details exactly, but it will look something like this. We each have a jar, and every time we have a treat whether it be a meal or a snack we have to also pay a penny for every calorie. So say I have a craving and cave for a Big Mac, not only am I paying for the burger, but I'm going to pay $5.40 into my jar. At the end of our challenge or when ever someone's jar is filled we will see who can have all the money from all the jars, by who lost the most in inches. They cannot spend this on a treat though, but they can on anything else.

I am excited by this challenge...might be interesting to see what happens too.

My Heart Will Sing For It Is Content

It has been a long time since I felt this way. Where there always seems to be smile playing about my lips and where praise and worship songs are ringing through my heart and outward. Smiling and laughing is sooo good for the soul. I have missed it. Things have finally turned around and this is the reason why I'm feeling so good.

I have been anxious to get out of my previous job for a long time now and it finally happened about seven weeks ago. I am so thankful for this change and I am certain that this is the main reason why I feel the way that I do. It is a different job in what I do even though it is retail. If you read a previous post it details what that job is all about.

Before starting at Target I was always feeling ill, worried that I was going to be sick. I worried about everything possible. I was so stressed out that I didn't want to do anything, and I had what I thought was anxiety attacks that I had to will away. It was not a fun place to be in. It was hard, tough and I hated the idea that I felt that way and that I felt as though I was always whining to people about it all. I needed to get it all off of my chest though and I truly thank God for those who took the time to listen and give me words of encouragement through that time.

I am working straight days now, always have Sundays off, no questions and never asked to work it anyway. My stress levels dropped to minimal and I have very few issues of feeling ill or worrying about things. Finances are finally starting to look up as I was set behind last summer with my leap of faith. It sure helps with the increase in pay rate. God is sooo good.

I am still working at establishing a routine to my days, making adequate time to spend with the Lord. My roommate that I had move in back in November is moving out on Saturday due to her employment situation and is taking along her dog Toto. Also this week my best friend and her husband moved into the basement. So there will be some great social times coming up as we mesh so well together. We shall have good times.

"Reverse Logistics" The New Job

So I finally got this new job that allowed me to leave Suzy Shier after technically working there for two and a half years and not really enjoying any of those years, not to mention the un-necessary stress factors.

I landed this new job back in December, but they needed a valid photo ID in order to perform a background check. That process took me into January and then into the beginning of February when I learned that I would finally be starting. After having orientation yesterday I got to do some hands on work today. I learned how to do some bowling, then put merchandise away (all over the store!). Then I decided that since I had about an hours left of my shift and most of the stock was put out, that I could maybe seek out my leader to see what my job would entail.

He showed me where my area would be and it will be shared with two other people. So I am the person that gets to deal with all the damaged goods. Whether it is a dented can, defected product, product recalls, or other damaged goods. I will be the one sorting it out properly and sending it to the appropriate places. Like donations, things going back to the manufactures, properly disposing of damaged good like cleaners and such. This can be a mighty big job and they are already adding up quickly. So hopefully this area will be set up before long so we can get going before we feel overwhelmed.

My leader seemed quite excited to finally have someone, he didn't even know that I was on his team and he thought that he had to hire three people. As it turns out he has me for sure, but he also has another guy who's availability has changed. So I'm not sure what is going to happen there, but my leader did say since there are only going to be three of you here you will be working 30-40hrs. So this is great news and I am excited to start on this new and different job.

The Stress Factor

So for several weeks I have felt ill and have had no appetite. I felt like or worried that I would be sick for quite some time. I would worry and fret that something was coming on even when some else mentioned that they were not feeling well. Yet, when I didn't work or was in the company of good people I felt fine and wasn't worrying about anything. I started thinking that perhaps I have anxiety or stress issues as there are many things going on in my life. Most of these feelings came with work. I tried very hard over the last two months to change my attitude and actions at or towards working at Suzy Shier...thankful that the Lord got a hold of my heart which caused that to change.

I believe that even though I was capable of being in the position I was/am in that I was still worried with something going wrong and feeling a bunch of different pressures for so long and none of them really worth being that stressed over. Things like what if the tills don't balance, what if a get a nasty customer, what if I become ill and cannot find a replacement. Even though these are not that common (well the nasty/mean customer happens at least once a day) I still worry about it. Then there is the expectations of having everything run smoothly and getting tasks completed. When I'm running the store for a shift I need to make sure that my part-timer completes her task and that I complete mine and that the store looks nice and clean. Leave any notes about anything important that has happened and facing the facts that I might upset my part-timers for making them to a task to completion...some times all these are beyond stressful.

Now that I'm moving onto another job until future endeavors come to be my stress level has dropped a great deal and I have had an appetite since the day after I told my manager that I was leaving and moving on to another job. Giving my notice was a hard thing for me to do because I know what kind of strain that was about to put on my manager. I was a full time employee who had keys and now she has to work with only 3 key holders and one of them can only work evenings after school and weekends as she is still in school. That really puts a challenge in for them. Despite how many people told me not to worry about it I still did. So I will say that I am very thankful for my dear friend Charlie for praying for me right before going in. God went before me and He made that task of telling her sooo much easier than I expected. She truly seemed to understand.

I also rarely stayed up pasted 11 for the fear that I was becoming ill, because of the pain and discomfort in my stomach. It is now well past 1 am and I'm about to head to bed because I'm really tired. This makes me feel sooo good! It truly is amazing how much stress can affect your life and how you feel. Here's for many more days ahead.

A New Year, A New Month And A New Leaf

It is a brand new year and with that comes goals and such. I set some goals for myself last year, but because of the ob situation that I faced last year I was not able to accomplish many of those goals. Since this was the case many of these ended up being carried over for this year. I am well on my way and it is only the beginning of February. Some of those goals were only achievable through finances. Like getting a passport and a license and paying off that pesky credit card. Well I'm well on my way to accomplishing two of those as of right now...my passport is all filled out and ready to be taken in. I'm hoping to do the whole license thing late spring or summer.

Last year I was hoping to find a new job, which I did for a short while, but it was only part time and then ended up going back to Suzy Shier. Well that has finally happened, as of February 8th my last day will commence at Suzy Shier and I will start at Target on February 11th. I am very excited about this change and believe that my stress levels will drop a great deal with this change. Everything seems to be coming along nicely and I'm very thankful for the change.