My heart is no longer yours

As many of you know my heart broken a few months back at the end of a relationship. I was dating a man of God whom I began to care about a great deal. I thought of a future with him and enjoyed spending time with him. It seemed like we were a great match and we both thought that it was what God wanted. We spent four months trying to get to know one another, after six or so months of prayer wondering if each other was the one for us. I thought that he was, we had many of the same ambitions and a heart for missions. I do not blame this man for the things that happened, because it did happen for a purpose...God has a plan.

God changed our course durastically. Valentine's day weekend we had a blast, one of my best friends got engaged and our best friend came up because she knew the occasion was going to happen. We went out and celebrated with the new couple, we spoiled each other the best that college budgets would allow. The high of the weekend ended, and so did our relationship. I did not understand at all for the longest time. I wanted an esplanation from him, I wanted to find closure in worldly terms.

Eight months later, I finally have a peace about it all. First of all I do not intend to demean him at all. He is a godly man and still a friend. Though we are far from being as close as we were and ever will be again. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend in ten years and first Christian man I dated. I am seeing things that I was blind to before.

His heart is in missions, but I believe that he has the heart of a pastor, his passions lie in the Word and in the church. He wants to do this now and teach pastors cross culturally. I still want to pursue missions. I am not ready either, I'm trying to get my schooling done and God has so much he wants to do in me and it is not fair for me to be sidetracked with an man on earth, even if he is a godly one.
I thought that I was getting to the point of loving him, but in reality I just cared a great deal for him, and still do. However, I believe that I loved dating him, I liked to hug someone and feel their warm embrace in return and to hold hands on a cold day. I did not want to think about being alone and yet alone I am, in worldly terms. I have realized that I put sooo much of myself into that relationship that I forgot about God being my warm embrace. I want someone to love, care for and cherish me, but I realized that godly man was not the one that God had for me. I couldn't open up to him like I should've if he was to be the man God wanted for me. I was afraid, and held back for some reason I didn't fully comprehend. Although now it makes complete sense, he doesn't want me to open up fully like that to just anyone.

I know it may sound strange, but I do not know how else to explain it, but I believe that if God has someone in mind for me that he is going to have me open with him from the beginning. There has to be a connection with him more than spiritual and physical. I don't know what term I am looking for here, but I know what I mean lol.
I did not fully understand what God had up his sleeve at the time, but I am certain that he did it to cause me to grow and reflect on Him and His power and comfort. My heart does not belong to man but to my God, my creator!