I am one of those people who does a corner check first thing in the morning. What does a corner check do you might wonder? It reveals those creepy crawlers that most women are afraid of....Spiders. There is this screw in the ceiling of my hallway and almost everytime I walk past it I look at it with fear thinking that it is a spider, obviously forgetting that the last time I saw it, it was a screw, however it still scares me. This morning I woke up and them when in for my shower, came back into my room and turned on the light. I saw a dark spot on my bed and thought "hmmm, wonder what that is?" "Could it be what I think it is?" "Is it a fluffy or a spider?" So I stepped close to see what it was. About 6 inches from my pillow sat a spider!!! It freaked me out, but I think that I am getting braver in my "old age" I walked over to it and smacked it with a book, then got tp and cleaned it up. Normally it would take me forever to commit murder to a spider, but lately I just grab something near by and do it. A few weeks ago I was clearing of my bed from books and such to go to bed. On my binder sat a spider and I didn't notice it until my hand was almost on it lol. So I grabbed a shoe and killed it instantly. Then just last week I was in the washroom and opened the door to come out and there was a spider hanging there at my face level, so I waited for it to go back up to the ceiling so I could go grab a shoe to kill it. I did it, I cannot believe that I am becoming more brave. This should help when going to Czech with creepy spiders, well at least I hope so.
Christina
Friday, October 23, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
My heart is no longer yours
As many of you know my heart broken a few months back at the end of a relationship. I was dating a man of God whom I began to care about a great deal. I thought of a future with him and enjoyed spending time with him. It seemed like we were a great match and we both thought that it was what God wanted. We spent four months trying to get to know one another, after six or so months of prayer wondering if each other was the one for us. I thought that he was, we had many of the same ambitions and a heart for missions. I do not blame this man for the things that happened, because it did happen for a purpose...God has a plan.
God changed our course durastically. Valentine's day weekend we had a blast, one of my best friends got engaged and our best friend came up because she knew the occasion was going to happen. We went out and celebrated with the new couple, we spoiled each other the best that college budgets would allow. The high of the weekend ended, and so did our relationship. I did not understand at all for the longest time. I wanted an esplanation from him, I wanted to find closure in worldly terms.
Eight months later, I finally have a peace about it all. First of all I do not intend to demean him at all. He is a godly man and still a friend. Though we are far from being as close as we were and ever will be again. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend in ten years and first Christian man I dated. I am seeing things that I was blind to before.
His heart is in missions, but I believe that he has the heart of a pastor, his passions lie in the Word and in the church. He wants to do this now and teach pastors cross culturally. I still want to pursue missions. I am not ready either, I'm trying to get my schooling done and God has so much he wants to do in me and it is not fair for me to be sidetracked with an man on earth, even if he is a godly one.
I thought that I was getting to the point of loving him, but in reality I just cared a great deal for him, and still do. However, I believe that I loved dating him, I liked to hug someone and feel their warm embrace in return and to hold hands on a cold day. I did not want to think about being alone and yet alone I am, in worldly terms. I have realized that I put sooo much of myself into that relationship that I forgot about God being my warm embrace. I want someone to love, care for and cherish me, but I realized that godly man was not the one that God had for me. I couldn't open up to him like I should've if he was to be the man God wanted for me. I was afraid, and held back for some reason I didn't fully comprehend. Although now it makes complete sense, he doesn't want me to open up fully like that to just anyone.
I know it may sound strange, but I do not know how else to explain it, but I believe that if God has someone in mind for me that he is going to have me open with him from the beginning. There has to be a connection with him more than spiritual and physical. I don't know what term I am looking for here, but I know what I mean lol.
I did not fully understand what God had up his sleeve at the time, but I am certain that he did it to cause me to grow and reflect on Him and His power and comfort. My heart does not belong to man but to my God, my creator!
God changed our course durastically. Valentine's day weekend we had a blast, one of my best friends got engaged and our best friend came up because she knew the occasion was going to happen. We went out and celebrated with the new couple, we spoiled each other the best that college budgets would allow. The high of the weekend ended, and so did our relationship. I did not understand at all for the longest time. I wanted an esplanation from him, I wanted to find closure in worldly terms.
Eight months later, I finally have a peace about it all. First of all I do not intend to demean him at all. He is a godly man and still a friend. Though we are far from being as close as we were and ever will be again. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend in ten years and first Christian man I dated. I am seeing things that I was blind to before.
His heart is in missions, but I believe that he has the heart of a pastor, his passions lie in the Word and in the church. He wants to do this now and teach pastors cross culturally. I still want to pursue missions. I am not ready either, I'm trying to get my schooling done and God has so much he wants to do in me and it is not fair for me to be sidetracked with an man on earth, even if he is a godly one.
I thought that I was getting to the point of loving him, but in reality I just cared a great deal for him, and still do. However, I believe that I loved dating him, I liked to hug someone and feel their warm embrace in return and to hold hands on a cold day. I did not want to think about being alone and yet alone I am, in worldly terms. I have realized that I put sooo much of myself into that relationship that I forgot about God being my warm embrace. I want someone to love, care for and cherish me, but I realized that godly man was not the one that God had for me. I couldn't open up to him like I should've if he was to be the man God wanted for me. I was afraid, and held back for some reason I didn't fully comprehend. Although now it makes complete sense, he doesn't want me to open up fully like that to just anyone.
I know it may sound strange, but I do not know how else to explain it, but I believe that if God has someone in mind for me that he is going to have me open with him from the beginning. There has to be a connection with him more than spiritual and physical. I don't know what term I am looking for here, but I know what I mean lol.
I did not fully understand what God had up his sleeve at the time, but I am certain that he did it to cause me to grow and reflect on Him and His power and comfort. My heart does not belong to man but to my God, my creator!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The majesty of it all
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I went out this morning to go to Wal-Mart and on my way to the train station I saw the mountains in the distances. They were so clear that you could see the snow covering the caps of them. Because they are so far away I at first thought that they were just clouds, but then I realized that they just were not changing. I could also tell the difference between the clouds and pointed mountains. This picture was breathtaking, I loved every moment of being able to see this. I sat on the side of the train where I could watch the mountains as we rode along. Wow, then the down town area came into view with the mountains behind it. I couldn't believe my eyes.
It got me thinking after seeing something so majestic and caused me to reflect on God's Majesty.
It also made me think of this song by Delirious:
Majesty (Here I am)
Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice
Here is a Bible verse as well.
Isaiah 52:7
How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who say to Zion,
"Your God reigns!"
This is who and what we as followers of Christ should be doing? Am I doing my part is proclaiming peace, bringing good tidings and most of all proclaiming salvation?
Just some thoughts to be pondering, maybe you can ponder too.
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