I am a soft at heart kind of person. I always have been, teachers, friends and even colleagues always comment on my expressive faces. Wondering what it is that I am thinking, but never any doubt what I am thinking. Most of my closest family and friends can read right through me. They know when something is up, within 30 seconds of being around me. Sometimes this is a blessing, other times it is so annoying. Then there are the odd time when nothing is wrong, but it appears to be. Such is my expressional face haha.
Today I had my second send off party and I was holding strong. I thought that I would have to give a speech, but due to the fact that is became a drop in kind of thing I did wind up doing that. However, if it had been different, I probably would have cried, maybe even babbled through some tougher tears.
Tonight was a different story, there was over a dozen cards with lovely things written in them. Some wishing me all the best, others saying they would miss me, still others affirming the Call. I had planned to write thank you notes tonight to go give with them, but instead I found myself reflecting, giving thanks to God and even shedding some needed tears.
For dinner I went to "The Works" with one of my best friends and her hubby. This was the last time that we knew that we would see each other, before my first term overseas would start. We expressed to one another that we would miss one another. I did not shed any tears with her (though my eyes did well up once while talking about God's blessing). I did do this later, I will miss people here without a doubt!
I am also very excited to finally be going to the mission field after working towards this for so many years. I'm scared, because well let's face it...it's a really big change! Add sad to see everyone stay here is another emotion. So with lots of emotions playing their toll on this little body of mine I feel the inner toiling inside my body.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Greatest Blessings Bestowed Upon Me
Sometimes life seems to throw us things that overwhelm us, tear us apart or even cripples us from living the life that we wish to live. Other times we are so grateful and blessed for what we have in our lives. I try very hard to look at the positive things in life. Right now, for the most part life is great. Here's why and how.
I have been on this longish journey of heading out to serve God overseas. It is finally happening and it is just around the corner. I am in the final stretch of raising the last bit of support, and I'm at 91% that I know of. There is a couple of more people who have also committed to giving monthly, but I'm not sure how much, so cannot update that until I know.
However, what amazes me is who is supporting me. As missionaries we are trained to ask everyone we know. It feels silly to me to ask people I barely know to partner with me, but often times those are the people who do partner. Then there are other who you know do not understand what it is that you are doing, nor why you have to raise the money to work overseas. After all you are working, you should be getting paid by those people you are working for. Well yes that makes sense in a world where profitable sales are what drives our economy and the fact that we are Canadians or Americans working within North America.
I have heard of a lot of missionaries who have gone out without their parents blessing, and sadly many of these missionaries parents are within the Church. I cannot understand this, because I've been very blessed by all three of my parents. My Mom knew before I did that I would become a missionary, she does not attend church. She does not necessarily understand what it is that I will be doing, nor how the support works, or why I need it. Yet, she is standing right behind me, encouraging me, loving me, supporting me (yes, even financially). Will she miss me, I'm sure she will especially since I'm her baby! I will miss her too. All of my parents have been great through all this process. Asking questions to make sure I'm taken care of (the missions organization is amazing about all this). I truly count this as a huge blessing, because it could have gone the other way. Then there would be tension and frustration let alone the stresses that would naturally come with that.
Who would my parents be if they tried to stop me from what I consider a call from God? Now granted, I'm single with no children, so perhaps that would change if my "family life, and martial status" were different. I do not know, but I hope and pray that it is not the case. Those whom I have heard of that do not receive their parents blessings, often has to do with their children. Grandparents do not want to see their grandchildren go. They consider that the parents are being selfish, and not caring about their children's wishes or opportunities. I can see where they get these thoughts. However, if God has asked them to go, they need to go. They need to obey God's call on their life, which in turn is God's call on their children's lives (to be missionary kids). God will still direct that child's path no matter where in the world he is.
So to end, Thank you Mom, Ed (step dad), and Dad! I am sooo blessed by you!
I have been on this longish journey of heading out to serve God overseas. It is finally happening and it is just around the corner. I am in the final stretch of raising the last bit of support, and I'm at 91% that I know of. There is a couple of more people who have also committed to giving monthly, but I'm not sure how much, so cannot update that until I know.
However, what amazes me is who is supporting me. As missionaries we are trained to ask everyone we know. It feels silly to me to ask people I barely know to partner with me, but often times those are the people who do partner. Then there are other who you know do not understand what it is that you are doing, nor why you have to raise the money to work overseas. After all you are working, you should be getting paid by those people you are working for. Well yes that makes sense in a world where profitable sales are what drives our economy and the fact that we are Canadians or Americans working within North America.
I have heard of a lot of missionaries who have gone out without their parents blessing, and sadly many of these missionaries parents are within the Church. I cannot understand this, because I've been very blessed by all three of my parents. My Mom knew before I did that I would become a missionary, she does not attend church. She does not necessarily understand what it is that I will be doing, nor how the support works, or why I need it. Yet, she is standing right behind me, encouraging me, loving me, supporting me (yes, even financially). Will she miss me, I'm sure she will especially since I'm her baby! I will miss her too. All of my parents have been great through all this process. Asking questions to make sure I'm taken care of (the missions organization is amazing about all this). I truly count this as a huge blessing, because it could have gone the other way. Then there would be tension and frustration let alone the stresses that would naturally come with that.
Who would my parents be if they tried to stop me from what I consider a call from God? Now granted, I'm single with no children, so perhaps that would change if my "family life, and martial status" were different. I do not know, but I hope and pray that it is not the case. Those whom I have heard of that do not receive their parents blessings, often has to do with their children. Grandparents do not want to see their grandchildren go. They consider that the parents are being selfish, and not caring about their children's wishes or opportunities. I can see where they get these thoughts. However, if God has asked them to go, they need to go. They need to obey God's call on their life, which in turn is God's call on their children's lives (to be missionary kids). God will still direct that child's path no matter where in the world he is.
So to end, Thank you Mom, Ed (step dad), and Dad! I am sooo blessed by you!
Sunday, May 29, 2016
It Can Be Crippling
There it is one of the worst "F" words out there. No I am not talking about the actual "F" word that some people cringe at, though I truly do cringe at that word. No "F" word can completely debilitate me from doing what I feel I should do. I remember a long time ago when I lived with my Dad in my adulthood and hearing the neighbours below us fighting in the middle of the night. I got scared for the woman and felt the need to holler out, to ask her if she was okay, and if not I wanted to call the authorities. However, out of fear that the man would turn on me crippled me to my bed with a racing heart. I couldn't do anything because of the fear of the outcome. I later learned that the relationship ended and that there was no harm done to the young lady, who was probably my age.
My point is that in the midst of a crisis, we may not move because we are too afraid. Or perhaps we are asked by God to take a step of faith. As I am gearing up to take that big step of faith, fear tries very hard to creep in and take over. God has a plan and I am trying to follow. Is it my own mind that is playing tricks on me, sure that could be part of it. Well what about the people around you? Yes, they have an influence on that too. However, I truly believe that it is Satan who tries to get me captured and snared by this fear. Am I afraid to take these giant strides in my faith? Not really, but sometimes those thoughts creep in without warning.
I have had many people try to influence me to stay, but I can't do that. Reason being is that God has a perfect plan in mind for me. Right now I believe that it is to serve Him wherever He leads me. I believe that he has guided me to right where he wants me. Sure it can be scary going off as a single to an unfamiliar country. But do you know what is actually bubbling out of me more? Excitement! I am thrilled to serve my God. Praying away fear is the only way to overcome it, and to take steps to overcome that fear as well as God leads.
My point is that in the midst of a crisis, we may not move because we are too afraid. Or perhaps we are asked by God to take a step of faith. As I am gearing up to take that big step of faith, fear tries very hard to creep in and take over. God has a plan and I am trying to follow. Is it my own mind that is playing tricks on me, sure that could be part of it. Well what about the people around you? Yes, they have an influence on that too. However, I truly believe that it is Satan who tries to get me captured and snared by this fear. Am I afraid to take these giant strides in my faith? Not really, but sometimes those thoughts creep in without warning.
I have had many people try to influence me to stay, but I can't do that. Reason being is that God has a perfect plan in mind for me. Right now I believe that it is to serve Him wherever He leads me. I believe that he has guided me to right where he wants me. Sure it can be scary going off as a single to an unfamiliar country. But do you know what is actually bubbling out of me more? Excitement! I am thrilled to serve my God. Praying away fear is the only way to overcome it, and to take steps to overcome that fear as well as God leads.
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Love
Valentine's 2016 is upon us. Tomorrow my Mom and Step dad will be celebrating 25 years in marriage. Marriage I know is not easy and blissful. My Mom and Dad were married and then separated around the time I was five. I remember those tough days, then my Mom met a young man who lived across the street who had two children about my age. It wasn't too long before we became a bit of a family. In 1991, these two ended up getting married in our living room. Us three children sitting on the couch ages 12, and 11 for both my sister and I. We were giggling because of the minister. My Aunt stood as the maid of honor and I believe my grandma and grandpa were there too. I'm going with my memories here. I remember that we got a fair amount of snow the night before, with snow drifts and all. I put on my cute fancy dress shoes to go over to my aunts where the party awaited afterwards. I remember getting very cold feet as the snow melted into my shoes. I remember the fun little party with close family and friends. They chose Valentine's day so they could remember the date. So hard to believe that I remember that day. I was happy for them even though my step dad and I fought so much, because we were so alike. We now get along great. Now they reached 25 years! I am so proud of them, because I know of some of the battles and struggles they faced.
Friends of mine did something so sweet. I offered to watch their son so they could have a date, they planned that date for tonight. I decided to have a dinner ordered in since I wouldn't have had anything special this weekend unlike most couples. Anyway being single is often tough on me at this time of the year because everyone goes on and on about what their significant other does for them. The husband of these friends sat behind me while I was trying to place an order and said that he would pay for that meal. I literally teared up. I didn't need, nor wanted him to feel as though he had to. The jester was kind. I fought those tears hard, just as I am right now. The original plan of what I was going to have fell through, but he paid for the pizza on the way to their date, so when the pizza guy came to drop it off it was paid for. I truly am blessed! Thank you Matt if you read this, it meant a lot to me for you to do that even if Tabetha was behind it ;).
Although 25 years of marriage and love seems like a huge feat and it is now of days. There is a greater love than that! God above loves you and I more than we can ever love another person. I may not be a parent, but I guess the best understanding of that is when a woman become a mother. When I really stop to think about that I am always humbled by that great love. He loved us sooo much that he wanted a relationship with us and wanted us to know Him and to be saved by grace. He sent Jesus to come and live among people, be tempted by Satan, scorned and rejected by many. Persecuted, beaten, and crucified. Then died upon a cross, but then he conquered death three days later.
Friends of mine did something so sweet. I offered to watch their son so they could have a date, they planned that date for tonight. I decided to have a dinner ordered in since I wouldn't have had anything special this weekend unlike most couples. Anyway being single is often tough on me at this time of the year because everyone goes on and on about what their significant other does for them. The husband of these friends sat behind me while I was trying to place an order and said that he would pay for that meal. I literally teared up. I didn't need, nor wanted him to feel as though he had to. The jester was kind. I fought those tears hard, just as I am right now. The original plan of what I was going to have fell through, but he paid for the pizza on the way to their date, so when the pizza guy came to drop it off it was paid for. I truly am blessed! Thank you Matt if you read this, it meant a lot to me for you to do that even if Tabetha was behind it ;).
Although 25 years of marriage and love seems like a huge feat and it is now of days. There is a greater love than that! God above loves you and I more than we can ever love another person. I may not be a parent, but I guess the best understanding of that is when a woman become a mother. When I really stop to think about that I am always humbled by that great love. He loved us sooo much that he wanted a relationship with us and wanted us to know Him and to be saved by grace. He sent Jesus to come and live among people, be tempted by Satan, scorned and rejected by many. Persecuted, beaten, and crucified. Then died upon a cross, but then he conquered death three days later.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Time spent with my Dad and sweet little sister.
This past weekend I spent my time with my Dad and almost 4 year old sister. We stayed at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast in Elmira called Brubacher Homestead Bed and Breakfast. They have only been open about a year, but they seem to be doing well. The grounds are lovely, the owners are great and I'm happy to report that it is nice inside too. Mostly modern furnishings and decor.
My time with my dad is rarely him and I anymore as he was blessed with another daughter. My Dad is doing a great job with her, they are two peas in a pod and she is joined at his hip. Being the older sibling of over 30 years it is fun watching him be Daddy to someone else. There are jokes that get tossed around here and there with my Dad being a dad again at his age. This weekend he was helping her put on her shoes and he said something like " I imagined helping you with your kids, not me doing it all again." Well God has a funny way of blessing others in unexpected ways too. He was hoping for grandchildren, but I haven't gotten married yet. So God gave him one instead.
This weekend she called me sister as she was talking about something she saw and honestly it was so cute and caught me completely off guard that I had to stop walking and just embrace her and kiss her forehead. She sure has been a blessing to me too. Although we are sisters and she knows me as her sister now, it is more like an Aunt/niece relationship (mainly because of the age gap).
We all had a great time this weekend and we even got to spend time with a family that we both really care for and love.
My time with my dad is rarely him and I anymore as he was blessed with another daughter. My Dad is doing a great job with her, they are two peas in a pod and she is joined at his hip. Being the older sibling of over 30 years it is fun watching him be Daddy to someone else. There are jokes that get tossed around here and there with my Dad being a dad again at his age. This weekend he was helping her put on her shoes and he said something like " I imagined helping you with your kids, not me doing it all again." Well God has a funny way of blessing others in unexpected ways too. He was hoping for grandchildren, but I haven't gotten married yet. So God gave him one instead.
This weekend she called me sister as she was talking about something she saw and honestly it was so cute and caught me completely off guard that I had to stop walking and just embrace her and kiss her forehead. She sure has been a blessing to me too. Although we are sisters and she knows me as her sister now, it is more like an Aunt/niece relationship (mainly because of the age gap).
We all had a great time this weekend and we even got to spend time with a family that we both really care for and love.
Monday, August 19, 2013
The Pile
I decided that since I have almost reach my first weight loss goal that I should try everything on. First I went through my closet and then through the dresser. The pile kept growing; at first I wasn't going to keep anything that that was too big, but that changed when I got to the bulky sweaters. I was planning to keep everythibg that did fit, that was until I saw how droopy some items were in places. So with that said I am not sure if the pile is higher or lower than I thought it would be. Either way I said a lot of wow's as I was shocked to see how different everything was fitting. I mean I see myself in the mirror every day, but I don't see the weight loss other than in my clothing. even when shopping and lookong at clothes I know XL is too big, and look at large or medium
...I can now wear either...depending on the cut, style and material. This here is the pile I wound up with...even with going through both the closet and the dresser twice before.
when I re-started this journey every hanger in my closet was being used. As you can see now that is not the case. From left to right we have scarves, then clothes that fit, the two shirts in the middle are actually big, but can be used until they are replaced. Then there are items that are just a tad too small. I will work at rebuilding my wardrobe as time goes on.
I went through almost everything in my dresser except for my pj's as I don't care how they fit. peoplw don't really get to see me in them lol.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
God Works In All Things
Do you ever go through your day and look back at what they day was like, how about the week? I just got in from a long, very brisk walk and when I walk I think...A LOT as well as pray as I go on these walks. Today I got thinking about a recent struggle that I faced and remember asking friend to pray for me...not everyone knew why, but I have felt those prayers. As long as that struggle could have been I think I am through it, if not fully then nearly there. I am so thankful that I'm through it faster than I thought that I would be. I have overcome some pretty heavy hurdles over the last few years, but I know it had nothing to do with me really. It has been God working through it and making it much easier, as I relied on Him and not on myself. I know that this hasn't been too easy most of the time and there were more times than I care to admit that I tried to take it back. This most recent struggle was left with Him and I tried not to think about it.
I've also had an attitude check. I have found myself being grumpy far too often and I've learned that I cannot cling to those frustrations as they were ruining my day, as well as those around me. People didn't want to be near me and I know at times still don't. I'm trying really hard to work on this, but with God being my guide once again...I am trying to keep a close eye on myself and how I respond to others. Some of you reading this might wonder what attitude I'm talking about, this usually comes out at work or with those that I am around a great deal. It is a shameful thing and I'm thankful that I don't live this way 24/7 and that I desire to treat others better in the way that I talk with them. I have in the past told these people that I may speak curtly to, to let me know, as I am often not aware of how I am coming across. I usually don't change it right that instant, but I am then aware and watch for it. In that process I try to catch myself and turn my attitude around. So please if you are seeing this in me, say something. I don't bite...just my tone does lol. I want to glorify God in all that I do, I want Him to use me however he wishes. I don't want to ruin what he might have planned for me or for someone else, because I choose not to guard my tongue, and to treat those around me as His.
I've also had an attitude check. I have found myself being grumpy far too often and I've learned that I cannot cling to those frustrations as they were ruining my day, as well as those around me. People didn't want to be near me and I know at times still don't. I'm trying really hard to work on this, but with God being my guide once again...I am trying to keep a close eye on myself and how I respond to others. Some of you reading this might wonder what attitude I'm talking about, this usually comes out at work or with those that I am around a great deal. It is a shameful thing and I'm thankful that I don't live this way 24/7 and that I desire to treat others better in the way that I talk with them. I have in the past told these people that I may speak curtly to, to let me know, as I am often not aware of how I am coming across. I usually don't change it right that instant, but I am then aware and watch for it. In that process I try to catch myself and turn my attitude around. So please if you are seeing this in me, say something. I don't bite...just my tone does lol. I want to glorify God in all that I do, I want Him to use me however he wishes. I don't want to ruin what he might have planned for me or for someone else, because I choose not to guard my tongue, and to treat those around me as His.
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